Cone Alone

Look before you leap day

/ josephpatrickrichards / Leave a comment

29 February 2012: DC Exile Day 36

Happy Leap Day all you friends and enemies and neutral third parties.

I wanted to let you know not to expect a regular post on this blog for a few days or so. Yesterday, I sat down with GF’s dad and realized I need to actually get my shit together for tax season. In addition to tax filings, I want to work on a couple of other writing projects.

Don’t fret because I will leave you in good hands. Tomorrow will see a brand new Cone Alone post. (Are you following them on Twitter or Facebook yet?) We will continue to post every Tuesday and Thursday, probably until I manage to find myself gainfully employed again.

Additionally, next week brings a brand new episode of The Joseph Richards Show. (You can also follow the show on Twitter.) It looks like I’ll probably be ranting talking about abortion rights, religion and Cone Alone. Should be fun.

So you see? Nothing to worry about. You’ll still have plenty me to keep you occupied. As an added bonus, I leave you with a compilation of today’s tweets celebrating Leap Day.

Enjoy!

JPR

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February 29 is a wonderful day. We gain three hours of sleep, we buy birthday presents for friends we forgot about and we even get a chance to make jokes about the day.

From my Twitter moniker (@mentalmacguyver) I slung several silly sayings about the day. Here you are.

(Note: All times are Mountain Standard Time)

9:47 AM – Today in history: Enterprising rabbits post hare-raising spy secrets online after founding WikiLeaps. #LeapYear #LeapDay

9:37 AM – This day in history: Epidemiologists insert tadpole DNA into humans, thereby staving off an outbreak of Leapatitis B. #LeapYear

9:32 AM – Today in history: Scientists baffle nature by creating the Leaping Willow tree – one part frog, one part tree and one part @WarwickADavis

9:07 AM – This day in history: Clumsy toad falls off lily pad. Dubbed ‘unluckiest amphibian’ by Leaple Magazine. #LeapYear

9:02 AM – On this day in history: ‘That’s one small step for man. One giant leap for Frog-Man.’ – Neil Armweak after landing in an unspecified marsh.

8:38 AM – I realize that, for some of you, my leap year celebration took place before 9 a.m. Well, celebrity commemorations wait for no one.

8:34 AM – I hope you enjoyed my commemorative celebration of celebrities born on this leap day. #LeapYear

8:33 AM – Born on this day: Oleapya Dukakis #LeapYear

8:32 AM – Born on this day: Leap Erickson AND Leap Garrett (double trouble) #LeapYear

8:30 AM – Born on this day: Leapsa Loeb #LeapYear

8:30 AM – Born on this day: Leap Meriwether #LeapYear

8:30 AM – Born on this day: Muhammad Aleap #LeapYear

8:29 AM – Born on this day: Aleapia Silverstone #LeapYear

8:29 AM – Born on this day: Leapam Neeson #LeapYear

8:28 AM – Today is a special leap year day. I’ll commemorate by celebrating celebrities born on this day. #LeapYear

A pun a milestone.

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28 February 2012: DC Exile Day 35

I present to you, today’s Cone Alone post.

This Thursday marks a bit of a milestone for Cone Alone as we celebrate our 25th post.

Perhaps I’ll buy an ice cream cone. Or a coneifer for my yard. Or set a coneflagration in a safe patch of land. Or ride on the Conecord jet. Or hire a conetractor to build a house. Or help teach someone in conetinuance education. Or compete to win a conetest.

Your turn.

I don’t really ‘Like’ this

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27 February 2012: DC Exile Day 34

What do an occasional spelunker and I have in common?

We both sometimes cave.

Nearly two weeks ago, I departed from Facebook, tired of the social networking platform. Since then, several friends have shared their difficulty in keeping up with my Cone Alone project without the easy reminder of Facebook.

I believe in Cone Alone and want people to find it. Therefore, as I usually end up doing in my life following my habit of extreme pendulum swings, I find myself working toward the moderate compromise again.

Therefore, by popular demand, you can now follow Cone Alone on Facebook by liking the Cone Alone page. (You can also still follow @ConeAlone on Twitter.)

Because I enjoy contests, the first person to “Like” the page on Facebook will win an autographed Cone Alone picture. Exciting!

I have not rejoined Facebook as Joseph Patrick Richards. Instead, I adopted an alternate appellation I created many years ago. No, I will not tell you what it is. Yes, you can probably figure it out at some point.

Enjoy.

 

Cone Current Popularity

/ josephpatrickrichards / 3 Comments

16 February 2012: DC Exile Day 23

As you may have read, I left Facebook yesterday and am already seeing one effect of departing from such an integral (yes, I said integral) part of our daily lives.

On Tuesday of this week, I returned with a new post of Cone Alone, my traffic cone-based art project. That day, I posted the link on Facebook and ended up having the highest-traffic day in the site’s existence with 73 views. Today, I uploaded another new Cone Alone post. I shared the post via Twitter and this blog. So far, the site has had no views.

Do I mind? Only slightly. While the blog is meant for persons who enjoy it, it is primarily a way for me to have fun and do something I enjoy. Yes, I do hope individuals will read it and enjoy it and share it. I have fun with it regardless.

That said, I do have a simple goal. I want one famous person on my list to mention the Cone Alone blog in some shape or fashion (even to say they absolutely detest it and would rather hear about the risks of rumble strips than pay heed to the plight of pylons). My list includes Hank Green, John Green, Ellen Degeneres, Jena Friedman, Kristen Bell, Josh Robert Thompson, Mo Rocca and Amanda Hess.

I also want to thank all of you who show support for Cone Alone and like the spot. I’ll keep you updated on Operation: Cone Alone Fame. (Please help me come up with a better title.)

Timeline out of mind

/ josephpatrickrichards / 2 Comments

15 February 2012: DC Exile Day 22

[Author’s note: I initially wrote this blog over a week ago as I prepared to leave the Facebook platform. I had last-minute doubts about departing the site when Cone Alone had its most views yet yesterday. I do not know if persons found the blog because of Facebook, but I felt a moment of intense panic that people would never be able to find the blog again if I left Facebook. I thought about going back on my challenge to myself. I thought about saying, “My mistake” or “By popular demand, I’m staying.” In the end, I am moving forward with my decision. I sincerely appreciate every single friend on Facebook who has read and shared Cone Alone and my work. Thank you so much. I hope I can continue to produce stuff that you like and that you can continue to find it.]

I keep telling myself this step is not a big deal. In fact, it is not really a step at all. In reality, I wrote “step” to have something for “this” to modify. I didn’t wish to have it (this) just hanging out with nothing to do. This starts loafing then this turns into vandalism and gang violence and who knows what else. This cannot be left alone.

Today is the day I deleted my Facebook profile.

I did everything I could to prepare for this day. I tried to find my friends on Twitter via their handles. (Do you think [Karen] Handel’s handle is @handel or @messiah_h, baroquen_handel or something else?) I posted way too many posts on Facebook telling my friends that I was leaving and telling everyone to follow this blog (Cringingly Personal), follow the Cone Alone blog, follow my current three Twitter profiles (@mentalmacguyver for the quotidian, @JoeRichardsShow for updates about my podcast and @ConeAlone for the latest on traffic cones around the world) and email me at either oapowerbattery@gmail.com or josephpatrickrichards@gmail.com

Was it enough? I have no idea.

It feels a bit strange to depart from Facebook, but at the same time it feels ever curiouser that departing the social networking site should be such a massive task. Of the 200-plus persons who are my friends on Facebook (of course some individuals have multiple profiles), I wonder who will remain in contact. I assume most people will be happy to have me out of their newsfeeds, if they had not “unsubscribed” from me already. [I really should avoid such unnecessary self-deprecation.] I admit I did enjoy the ability to “unsubscribe” from a person. Like being in their online presence was too much of a burden and hinderance that I had to take myself off the list of their public friendship. I think I shall begin carrying a black marker with me at all times. When I get into public and have to “mingle” with “new” “people” I will simply use the marker to make a check mark on the forehead of these “people” from whom I wish to unsubscribe. Observe:

[Our scene opens on a crowded party. Drunken and tipsy socialites and snotbags are pouring alcohol into their boring mouths. Mitzy and Tad chat incessantly about the awesome sports play they saw yesterday. Wasn’t it so awesome how Quarterback Phelps threw a hurling spiral-back twisty into the reaching hands of PomPom McGee? Oh, yes it was Mitzy. (The author apologizes for placing so much dialogue in the scene set-up italics, but the author just does whatever the fuck he feels like, even if it makes no sense.) Our handsome, winsome, lonesome, awesome protagonist, JPR, walks into the scene and winces visibly. The undeniable din of Good Charlotte’s Greatest Hits blares through the speakers from the host’s mp3 player device. Fuck, this is going to suck.]

Chip – Hey there JPR. Have a shot of this balmy nipple. It’s got Schnapps and Schwepps and Starburst and rubbing alcohol and WD-40. And Country Crock.

JPR – Hold still Chip.

[JPR uses a black marker to make a check mark on Chip’s forehead, indicating that JPR has unsubscribed from Chip. Chip withers back into the corner mumbling the lyrics to “Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous”]

This has been a practical application. Brought to you by Mark-O’s Markers. Writing unwanted marks on strangers’ skin since 1992. (When an unknown fan wrote on Eddie Vedder’s arm prior to their Unplugged performance.*)

So. I am no longer on Facebook. I guess I’ll keep you informed of what that means for me in the months ahead.

*This statement may or may not be historically accurate, but is absolutely inaccurate.