28 September 2011

Good evening sexy persons of awesomeness,

Have I told you lately that I love you? Well it is true. I do.

The true believers may be aware I took the Graduate Records Exam (GRE) today. Recently I thought, “I may want to go to graduate school again at some undetermined point in future.” So why not take the GRE?

I believe I am legally prevented from sharing any details at all about any experiences in the secret room where scared humans sit wearing headphones and chagrined faces. I believe the GRE police (GREP) will track me down to the ends of the earth and snap off all my toenails if I so much as breathe a word of the secret room.

What I can tell you, even at risk of excruciating pain, is that when the GREP tell you to take everything out of your pockets, they mean EVERYTHING.

My friends, you know I am sick and you know I am a citizen of the planet Earth. When I am sick, like now, I usually use handkerchiefs for the expulsion of nostril mucus. The GREP prevented me from taking even a handkerchief into the testing room. The GREP told me I could take some tissue. What? And destroy Earth with every sniffle?* How dare you GREP? Snot cool. Snot cool at all.

Take it to the bridge!

Punch the time clock at the olfactory.

*I actually do use facial tissue, but I find arguments are more convincing when you can pretend a moral superiority.