Only the parts that matter

24 October 2012 (still)

You, dear friend, know I went to Wendover with The Hippo and her family in the not-too-distant past. Please enjoy these photographs of a portion of our adventures.

I am in the car.












I am surprised to be in the car.


I am pleased to be in the car.


Could have helped the Donner Party.


It’s a sign. (Plaque)


Reward for making it over the mountains and across the desert.


I felt so welcomed, that I urinated in the urinal.


Barrier your soul to the desert winds.


First meal of the trip. Unable to eat again for 17 hours.












Go Green or go home

20 March 2012

I guess you don’t have to go home if you don’t want to do so. It may make this easier though. I’m not saying you can’t stay at the public library, or university computer lab, or in your friend’s apartment. (Playing on the internet while she or he is in the bathroom? Be careful what you may find on there comrade.)

What you should do, however, is use the internet at your fingertips to vote for a fun and funny video starring some persons I just happen to know.

Here’s what you do.

  • Direct the web browser of your choice (I use Microsoft BugRiddled 2.3b) to the 48 Go Green Festival.
  • Click on the “Become A Member” button. Don’t worry—not only is it free and rather easy, but also it doesn’t turn you into an actual member, like an arm, leg or penis or nothing.
  • Once you’ve become a member, gloat for a moment in front of the mirror. If you don’t have a mirror, wait for the sun to go down and then gloat you creepy blood-sucking fiend. Also, return to the 48 Go Green Festival homepage.
  • On the homepage, click “Login” at the top of the page.
  • Enter your username and password when prompted. Promptly. Prompt and circumstance. Sorry. I got carried away. Ahem.
  • Once you are logged in, follow the direct link to the film, “Wasteful.”
  • Watch the film.
  • Vote for the film.
  • Watch for the woman who breaks up with an electric mixer. She is a funny person.
  • Feel good about yourself.
  • To make your vote count, you then have to vote for two additional films. Just go to the 2012 entries page and click on a thumbnail in the middle of the page to select an additional film. Find two more for which to vote.
  • Ok. You’re done. Go drink an energy drink and a eat a tofu popsicle. You earned it.

Oh, unless you haven’t told your friends to vote for the film. You have told them, haven’t you?

I thought so.

Thank you. –The Mgmt. (and Tamara)

Their depravity nose no bounds

28 September 2011

Good evening sexy persons of awesomeness,

Have I told you lately that I love you? Well it is true. I do.

The true believers may be aware I took the Graduate Records Exam (GRE) today. Recently I thought, “I may want to go to graduate school again at some undetermined point in future.” So why not take the GRE?

I believe I am legally prevented from sharing any details at all about any experiences in the secret room where scared humans sit wearing headphones and chagrined faces. I believe the GRE police (GREP) will track me down to the ends of the earth and snap off all my toenails if I so much as breathe a word of the secret room.

What I can tell you, even at risk of excruciating pain, is that when the GREP tell you to take everything out of your pockets, they mean EVERYTHING.

My friends, you know I am sick and you know I am a citizen of the planet Earth. When I am sick, like now, I usually use handkerchiefs for the expulsion of nostril mucus. The GREP prevented me from taking even a handkerchief into the testing room. The GREP told me I could take some tissue. What? And destroy Earth with every sniffle?* How dare you GREP? Snot cool. Snot cool at all.

Take it to the bridge!

Punch the time clock at the olfactory.









*I actually do use facial tissue, but I find arguments are more convincing when you can pretend a moral superiority.