Incensed and impotent

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5 September 2011

Good evening all.

I have no real claim to being smart or savvy or really much at all. I’m just a regular human who does some things well and some things poorly.

I say so to acknowledge, once again, that what I share tonight is nothing new or groundbreaking.

My friend shared an article titled, “Goodbye to all that: Reflections of a GOP operative who left the cult.” I finally had a chance to sit down and read the piece and found my heart dying a little more.

I believe in humanity. I really do. More than anything. But I also know some people want power and control no matter the cost. (I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same. But I’ll safely judge for now.)

Politics in the United States are no longer a joke. They are a disaster. A constant battle that is destroying our people and our country. (Please read the piece mentioned above for an actual articulate analysis.)

I still don’t get it. Why do we talk about gay marriage and abortion and immigration and birth certificates? Why do we not all somehow make our way to Washington, DC and stand, yell, sleep and sit in the halls of Congress until insane Republicans and feckless Democrats stop fucking with us?

I will buy as many bus tickets as possible for anyone who wants to come out here. That’s all that I know how to do. Fuck petitions and phone calls.

Idiots who protect their own interests need to see us. See us gather and realize that we fucking elected these fucks. They work FOR us.

I don’t know what to do.

I like this country. I like the opportunities we have. I like our people and I like what we bring. But I think our elected officials, especially Republicans, are fucking us over while convincing us that voting for them is in our best interests.

Waiting for heaven won’t matter if we all have to deal with fucking hell while we’re here.

So, I’ll just remain angry and ineffectual, safe in front of my computer screen, agonizing over an overthrow that I can’t even start.

The sun also ceases to rise

/ josephpatrickrichards / 2 Comments

3 September 2011

Good evening beloved lovelies.

After our adventure in Baltimore yesterday, GF and I decided to sit around like sloths this Saturday, snacking and watching Sleepless in Seattle. While GF napped earlier, I played what has been called the best video game of all time, Chrono Trigger. So far, I agree with the praise bestowed upon the game.

As the sun set in the distance, GF awoke and we talked of dinner and plans for the evening. We had the idea to see if Netflix for the Wii had Disney Channel series Good Luck Charlie and Phineas and Ferb. While looking, we found a National Geographic documentary on Egypt.

During the documentary, the narrator describes the ancient Egyptian worship of the sun, praying each night the sun would raise from its death in the west to bring life again the next day.

What if it did not?

What if the sun simply did not rise? I have done no research (as usual), but I am sure someone has written in length about what would happen if the sun simply stopped rising.

I imagine (and I’m no scientist) that life on Earth would cease to exist. The end of civilization, humanity and life on this planet fascinates me.

I have a perhaps disturbing fascination with thinking about a worldwide cataclysm that would wipe us from memory and history – an event that would render everything we have ever accomplished completely null and void.

I think about the possibility of a super virus that is absolutely unstoppable. I think about a global crisis of money, food and water that causes the last war. I think about an army of evil automatons killing us all – slowly at first through “freak accidents” like toasters falling into bathtubs or vacuum cleaners sucking off faces. I think about the sun setting one final time.

I do not know why exactly, but I find comfort in the thought that one day, none of us will exist anymore. Everything we love, know and do will be nothing. Our names and actions will be as if they never happened. I find supreme happiness and contentment remembering how insignificant I am.

Over here? No! Overhear.

/ josephpatrickrichards / 2 Comments

2 September 2011

Good Labor Day weekend friends, lovers, family and three-toed sloths.

Today, GF and I travelled to Baltimore, a city in complete disarray apparently due to two sporting events.

Thus, I am too exhausted to write about that trip at the moment.

So, tonight’s post is brought to you by my illegitimate son, Little J.P. Richards. One day, he was in a coffee shop when he overheard some women speaking. (Yes, he is old enough to go to coffee shops.)

Little J.P. overhears a supportive moment

 

 

Like a month to a flame

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1 September 2011

This is it! September! The best month of the year.

Not convinced? Perhaps these great September moments in history will change your mind:

  • September 3, 1808 CE – James Bismuth of Topeka, KS invents the world’s first coal-powered gaming system. The first game, Coalmine Canary Adventure, would be memorialized by The Police many years later.
  • September 24, 435 BCE – Tammy Joans er Al-Veranda catapults a pig over the Great Wall of China setting off a series of events that would eventually lead to the creation of Mongolian Barbecue.
  • September 18, 1405 CE – Three Visigoths wonder whether or not they still exist at this point in history.
  • September 30, 3408 CE – Flying car finally invented. Unfortunately, massive traffic jams continue as floaterists constantly bump into massive heaps of information stored in the Clouds.

Now you know.

Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids

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31 August 2011

Good later evening lovers, friends, family and inanimate objects.

I am drinking whiskey, eating Icelandic chocolate and listening to American Football (S/T*) while GF watches television.

Earlier tonight, we called her niece and nephew via phone and spoke with them. They are ages seven and 11 respectively.

During the conversation, all four of us told jokes with punchlines like, “Welcome to Booger King,” “He was making too much racquet,” and “Because the chicken and duck started a business together.”

Most of you who know my sense of humor (humour for our UK readers) know it never developed past a third-grade level. Yes, I learned some new words (like feint and didactic) and started incorporating profanity (like fuck and ass, which shouldn’t even count, so let’s say shit instead), but I generally adore and incorporate as many cheesy, horrible puns and nonsensical, grade school jokes into my daily life as humanly possibly. In fact, my favorite joke of all time involves a troubled child called Bootyitch** and a pastor encouraging a bereaved mother to scratch at will.

My favorite books (besides Island of the Blue Dolphins, the Bible and Born Standing Up [by Steve Martin]) are knock-knock and joke books.

So tonight, I bring you some jokes I will just list at random. Some you may know, some no one may know (even yours truly). Be sure to read them aloud wherever you are for the full effect. [Punchlines are in italics]

1. Why did the puppet get mad at Frankie Avalon?

Because he wanted to marry Annette. 

2. Who is Captain Picard’s least favorite tennis player?

Bjorn the Borg

3. When should you go to the dentist?

At tooth hurty.

4. What is an allergist’s favorite ‘primetime soap opera?

Snot’s Landing

5. [Joke to be determined]

Axl Rows (pronounced ‘rose’ for our UK readers, not rouse)

 

*In case you don’t know, which I didn’t a couple of years ago, people apparently use “S/T” to refer to a self-titled album.

**Not to be confused with the famous Russian playwright, Aleksandr Bootyvitch who wrote such plays as “Vodka on my Plate” and “Waiting for Godot (to Bring Back Vodka)” and other stereotypes you probably assumed this blog was above using. (It is not.)