Sooner or escalator

30 August 2011

Another good day to you lovers, friends, family and visiting extraterrestrials.

GF and I use Metrorail to get to and from work every day. I would find it quite easy to turn this blog into a continual self-absorbed groan on the frequently inoperational Metrorail escalators.

But I won’t.

First, I don’t really mind out-of-order motorized incline devices. I like walking. Walking makes me remember I’m alive. Walking makes me realize the world and I are the same. Sometimes walking is the only thing that feels real to me.

Second, we have a functioning Metro system. It could be better, yes. But it could also not exist. I would not enjoy that alternative.

However, sometimes I feel like I should complain about Metrorail. There are lots of things about which I feel I should complain even if they don’t really make me angry. I can’t explain (and neither can Pete Townshend).

Today, two of three escalators leading out of the Court House Metro station were broken (or at least not running). The other escalator was [pretentious description ALERT] transporting humans and luggage down into the bowels of public transit.

So, GF and I walked up the escalator. The person in front of me was wearing a book bag, carrying a book (defeating the purpose of the book bag?) and was wearing exercise gear. My face felt magnetically attracted to her book bag. I stared at it and it stared back. The abyss is a book bag.

Yeesh. If you made it this far in today’s post, I apologize. I don’t remember reading or hearing anything so schmaltzy and pretentious that would have influenced me so lately. Perhaps it is the combination of whisky and Icelandic chocolate.

"There's more to life than this"? I don't think so Bjork.

And yes, I did eat the chocolate while listening to Bjork. I think it intensified the effect.

By the way – Did you remember the video competition from yesterday’s post? No? Then read it and enter to win a parcel from…me!

“Look out! Clifton!”

21 August 2011

A little over a week ago, on a Friday, I rented a car for work. I rented the car for a day, and decided I would like to get the most use out of it. I asked GF if she would like to get out of town and take a small road trip after work. She said she would.

We got home from work and gussied ourselves up a bit. Where to go? Where to go?

I suggested we go to Clifton, VA. I visited this cute little town in Northern Virginia about a month or so after beginning my current job. I thought the place was just about the most adorable thing I had seen. It was as small as my hometown, but had a bed and breakfast (B and B as some people say), an ice cream parlor, a bar/restaurant thing at which I ate, a wine store, train tracks, speed bumps, a church and a fancy restaurant in an old, Southern house.

After rush hour, we hopped into the rental car and drove the hour to Clifton to eat at the restaurant in the Southern house. We drove into the town, over the tracks and parked on the side of the street. We got out into the cool night and walked to the Southern house. We walked onto the porch and learned the place is called Trummer’s on Main. We walked off the small Southern street and into what could have been an upscale bar in Manhattan (at least in the wide eyes of this small-town boy).

The host took us upstairs to the dining area, which looked like it would be suitable in Savannah. Large fan blades that looked like boat propellers spun vertically as well-dressed Southerners dined and talked in the large dining room that felt like someone’s home. GF and I ordered a side of roasted oyster mushrooms and two main dishes, both of the fish variety. GF’s dish was salmon I think. I ordered some sort of fish, which I forget now, but it came with interesting vegetables I did not recognize and pureed English peas. I fucking love English peas. I did not always love them. I had to eat them as a child. Fortunately, we usually had them with mashed potatoes. I would shove the peas into the mound of potatoes and eat them together in the hopes that the starchy dish would drown the flavor of the dreaded vegetable. Now, I love them on their own.

Every single bite of each dish was perfect. I chewed the food down so small just to suck all the flavor I could out of every morsel.

I also ordered the signature cocktail, which tasted a bit like shampoo, but with alcohol.

Three people at a table behind us were boisterous. The group (two men and one woman) seemed to be in their early 50s and kept talking about boinking this or that person and giving the wait staff a difficult time. Here is a paraphrase of one conversation:

Wait staff- Anything to drink?

Woman- Yes. What was I drinking? What is that dark liquor?

Wait staff- Jagermeister.

Woman- No, that’s not it. It was something.

[men talking simultaneously and indistinguishably, but basically just repeating either the wait staff or the woman]

Wait staff- Sombucha?*

Woman- No no. Something else.

Wait staff- Those are the only two it could be based on your description.

Woman- No. I don’t know. Sombu something

Wait staff- Sombucha?

Woman- What was that?

Wait staff- Sombucha.

Woman- Sombucha. Yeah, that was it. Can I have one of those?

And so on and so forth.

I went to use the restroom and one of the men at the boisterous table went as well. He began chatting with me asking if I went to school around here. I told him I earned my Bachelor of Arts at Georgia College & State University. He said it was a great school. I’m sure he did not know it.

We took the elevator up to the next floor and walked to the restroom. We went into our stalls and did our business and went to the sinks at the same time. He showed me the sinks were not working. I said perhaps we had to pump the handle like the old days. Fortunately, he did not think that was as dirty as it sounds in writing. He just said he didn’t think my idea was correct.

We left with soap on our hands. He probably still talked about something.

GF and I also had some sort of banana dessert that I wanted to have a romantic relationship with.

GF and I eventually left the restaurant (after I had three cups of coffee due to a clerical error), walked through the town (about six minutes at the most), got back in the car and drove home.

A pleasant evening in Virginia.

Please enjoy the pictures from my previous trip to Clifton.

 

*I’m not sure if this is actually what they said. Isn’t Sombucha that drink that yoga-practicing New Age persons enjoy? I can’t be bothered to look up this kind of information.

Pizza my mind

18 August 2011

Last night I bought a miniature frozen pizza. Today I ate it. It was horrible.

Someone recommended I purchase good frozen pizza.

If I’m going to get frozen pizza, I want it to taste terrible. I have no illusions. If I want real pizza, I’ll get real pizza. Frozen pizza should make me hate myself more than I normally do. I should regret each bite as I angrily and incessantly chew it down until it is just moist doughy mush in my mouth.

Here is a picture of a simple meal I enjoyed at a restaurant in OgdenLayton, UT.

I always order from the senior menu

Latte digs

16 August 2011

I had a latte today.

For readers not familiar with lattes*, they (the lattes, not the readers, although I don’t mean to make assumptions) are whipped, heated cow pus, caramel, two heavily beaten coffee beans and two scoops of sour cream. Yum.

I drank the beverage and felt like I had eaten fifteen bags of jellybeans inside twenty doughnuts. (I think the jellybeans were in the doughnuts. I was not.)

I sank into bloated depression.

Then the two coffee beans kicked in and I felt good.

So GF and I walked home. On Metro, nothing exciting occurred as far as I could tell. GF said one ginger-domed dude was being a grade-A hole to another passenger who may have been:

A. His sister

B. His friend

C. His cousin

D. His girlfriend

E. His mother

F. His holographic projection of insecurity

G. Fab Morvan (yes, that Fab Morvan)

Will the mystery ever be solved?

Earlier this week, the post held my final stack of comic books from Night Flight Comics. DC Comics is restarting their comics by issuing 52 #1 titles (the titles are literally numbered “one”). I don’t agree with the choice. I think some of the ideas look great, but restarting some of the series annoys me as a longtime reader (first time caller).

I just reread what I wrote and am too bored by it to continue my thoughts.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s brand new Cone Alone.

 

*For my Southern audience

 

Doesn’t cut the (honey) mustard

7 August 2011

Today it rained.

I don’t immediately know what I mean by “it.” I suppose I mean the gathering of clouds creating precipitation.

Yesterday, GF and I went shopping. We went at 8:30 PM because we thought we would beat the crowds. We soon learned that Virginia’s tax-free weekend (for back-to-school supplies) hit the corporate box store hard at night.

After a botched Tuna Helper dish (perhaps due to old butter), we both were hungry and ready to get Applebee’s before hitting the 24-hour box store behemoth. The restaurant’s music was so loud the speakers seemed to be blown, producing a wheezy rattling like a cloying pop star dying but trying to be upbeat about it. Two staff had to put their heads together to find us a booth when at least three booths contained no other patrons. Once seated, we chose the Dinner for 2 for $20. Our appetizer was spinach artichoke dip, of which we had an excessively large portion that makes me wonder why starvation is an issue at all on this planet. We could not finish the dish.

I ordered the chicken finger basket and GF ordered some sort of chicken pasta. After a long time, our food arrived at the table of the family of six or more behind us and they were about to take our food even though they had not even ordered and still had menus when I spoke up and claimed our food and the staff member went to the back to verify our possession where I am sure she had someone ejaculate into my honey mustard before bringing THE EXACT SAME FOOD back to us and I believe a little kid at the family table already touched it (the food, not the clouds) with his disgusting pre-adolescent biotic afflictions.

I ordered a second honey mustard which arrived looking like it still needed to pasteurization and skimming. I could see each component liquid floating separately in that dirty little cup.

I was pleased to take the food from the kid (like taking chicken fingers from a baby). He should get used to disappointment. It’s chicken fingers now kid, but one day you’ll lose bigger dreams, too.

We all have to give up some dreams at some time. Even the dream of eatin’ something edible, much less ” good in the neighborhood.”