Earsplit

25 August 2014

She was at work. She was trying to read an article about Mario Draghi, the European Central Bank and quantitative easing. She had already eaten a sandwich at a local and (as usual) overpriced sandwich shop. She was in the employee lounge for perhaps 20 minutes. Another employee came down and turned on the television. TV judges, criminals, cops, chefs, commercials all at an inhumanely loud volume. A din of thieves stealing her peace and quiet.

 

Video killed blah blah blah

Yesterday, (the day one made-up deity apparently had to rest even though said deity claims omnipotence) The Hippo and I reconnected to the world of television.

I called to set up the cable box and reached an automated service. The soothing, female-sounding robot voice told me to hang on as she sent a signal to our box. Immediately after she made this proclamation I heard an electronic sound similar to when the workers pull the levers prior to the Death Star firing on Alderaan. 

Our box was activated and we again got one step closer to living in complete surveillance. And, there was, of course, a great disturbance in the Force.

To celebrate, we watched Wizards of Waverly Place and the latest episode of Once Upon A TimeWithin fifteen seconds our brains had turned to mush and I began praising commercials for being “genius” and “edgy” and “full of cars.”

Changing the hi-definition of marriage

16 September 2011

Hello after a brief hiatus friends and lovers and loves and patron saints of porridge and knick knacks.

My eyes feel like a tiny person has been punching them with her or his tiny fists.

I went to Richmond, VA for work and used a lot of energy and stayed up too late and got stressed out. So now, I’m sitting in front of the television watching some woman from Florida sing Dusty Springfield’s “Son Of A Preacher Man” on a program I believe is televised karaoke and I am confused.

The woman just walked off the stage. GF said she is “too stiff.”

I just learned the show is called (I am not making this up) Karaoke Battle USA. So far no one is fighting, but I am hoping the battle begins soon.

Here comes a quote from judge Carnie Wilson: “I just love you and adore you with all my heart.” I have a friend in Utah who loves Carnie Wilson but I assume it is because she (my friend) has never heard Carnie Wilson speak in this manner.

Fortunately, GF could take no more of the show. We are now watching the conclusion of the third season of Fringe. In true fashion, GF has gasped at the show’s twists several times in a few moments.

Television. I think I would marry a television.

I thought I was going to have a lot more to say about marrying a television, but I don’t. I really should screen my thoughts.

How about a TV dinner and a movie good looking?

Speaking up appearances

23 July 2011

Today was one of those lazy days that make you feel bored as a kid and lazy as an adult. However, I feel neither.

GF and I awoke at 11 AM, which is sleeping in late for us. Another human recently told GF that snoozing does not count as sleeping late unless you wake up in a PM time. Our youth will lead us forward.

We wound up on the couch watching Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, a salon makeover show in which the titular hard-nosed Aussie literally made over a salon and its staff.

I heard straight, adult men are not supposed to like show’s on Bravo, but I quite enjoyed this show. In my time of sluggish stupor on the sofa, I considered why.

The primary appeal of this show, and others like it, for me is that I am a passive-agressive human who finds it quite difficult to speak up and tell someone right out that I dislike something. Attribute it to genes, Southern upbringing or my constant intake of British television in which beating around the bush was the primary mode of speech. So, Tabatha allows me to feel I spent my time speaking those scared thoughts of straightforwardness. Yet, I know this is just another delusion.

Example:

Me- I had such a great time standing up for myself today. I really took no nonsense and just told it like it is.

GF- Really? That’s great.

Me- Oh, wait a minute. Actually, I just watched three hours of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover. By the way, I have to work all weekend.